> Never go to a doctor whose office plants have died.
> Just remember, if the world didn’t suck, we’d all fall off.
~Author Unknown
> A signature always reveals a man’s character – and sometimes even his name.
~Evan Esar
> Who’s General Failure & why is he reading my disk?
> The Vending Machine Theory : “Stuff tastes better when it falls”.
> This girl rang me up one time, she says “come over, nobody is home”, I went over, no one was home!
> Energizer Bunny arrested, charged with battery.
> A computer once beat me at chess, but it was no match for me at kick boxing.
> Can we actually “know” the universe? My God, it’s hard enough finding your way around in Chinatown.
~Woody Allen, Getting Even, 1971
> I used to eat a lot of natural foods until I learned that most people die of natural causes.
~Author Unknown
> Lord, lord, lord. Protect me from the consequences of the above prayer.
~Douglas Adams, Mostly Harmless
May those who love us love us,
and those who do not love us,
may God turn their hearts,
and if He cannot turn their hearts
may He turn their ankles
that we may know them by their limping.
~Irish Prayer
> I dream of a better tomorrow, where chickens can cross the road and not be questioned about their motives.
> When I said ‘death’ before ‘dishonor’, I meant alphabetically.
> I don’t find it hard to meet expenses. They’re everywhere.
> I am going to call my kids Ctrl, Alt and Delete. Then if they muck up I will just hit them all at once
> Without me, it’s just aweso.
> Don’t steal. The government hates competition.
> To steal ideas from one person is plagiarism. To steal from many is research.
> What do you call a black man flying a plane? A pilot you racist.
> I would love to change the world, but they won’t give me the source code.
What you call dog with no legs?
Don’t matter what you call him, he ain’t gonna come.
***
to be continued.. :p
